This is the final article in our three-part series about Ester Perel’s Healing from Infidelity phases. If you’re just joining me, you can read about Phase One here and Phase Two here.
It recap, I’d like to share with one of my favorite quotes from her book The State of Affairs about Phases 1 and 2: “Phase 1 focuses primarily on the what: the crisis, the fallout, the hurt, and the duplicity. Phase 2 turns to the why: the meaning, the motives, the demons, the experience on its own terms. Listening to these revelations with an open mind is an essential part of the recovery process, for all parties involved.” (pg. 152)
The third and final phase is called the Vision Phase. This is when we start to look toward the future. Do you want to stay with your partner? There are ways to do this. If you’re committed to making it work, you can learn skills and work with your partner to create a strong(er) relationship. Or you may realize that the relationship was not as solid as you thought or that values and beliefs have changed. While difficult, this acceptance of reality helps to process the pain.
If you’re dealing with infidelity, ask yourself which phase are you in? Would you like help making decisions? If you’d like a space to explore these questions and discuss your situation, let’s connect.